Friday, October 26, 2012

School Photos

I love School Photos!! I was so worried about Lucy and Peter getting school pictures because they sometimes give the craziest faces when asked to pose.  BUT whoever their photographers were did an awesome job! I wish I could buy all of them but I can't.  Here are the choices:

Peter 2 yrs old
Lucy 3 yrs old

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Drama: A time in your life when you walk away

My sister sent this quote to me, I love it and I've needed it! “There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.” ― José N. Harris, MI VIDA

She told this to me months ago, and it has been resurfacing in my mind over and over since then.

The last year or two have been challenging for me.  A good friend of mine and her family were hurt and betrayed and have gone through more trials than anyone would ever want in a year.  The people that have hurt them continue to live their lives and their choices continue to hurt or haunt the people I love.  It doesn't seem fair, there seems no way to stop it, and I just wish I could take away their pain and stop the hurt, but I don't have that power.  It is the Lord who will do that.  And it's taken me too long to learn that.

Even though this is not my trial, it has affected me more than I'd like to admit.  I have felt feelings of anger, disappointment, disgust, betrayal, sadness, guilt, and many others.  I don't like having ill feelings towards people, but for some reason I couldn't shake this.  Every time I would feel guilty, thinking, I'm not the type of person that let's things like this get to me.  This was not normal Hilary thoughts and feelings.  I should just let it go, but then something else would happen and it would get to me all over again.  Anyway, through prayer and talking to my sister and mom and knowing that the atonement is real, I know that I can move on from the hurt that was caused and be who I need to be.  That is why I like the quote. “There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.” 

I tried making amends with parties involved, but I was brushed aside and the hurt continues to happen.  So what are my choices?  The only choice I see is to follow what the quote says, and walk away from them and the drama caused.  I need to start living my life a little better, striving for more happiness, a closer relationship to my Heavenly Father and keeping my priorities straight.  I think Satan wants me to dwell in the drama and be brought down, but I'm not letting it.  With time things heal, and I think that with time I have learned that I need to use the atonement in my life to help me stay happy, repent, move on etc.  I need to not let other's mistakes affect me so much.  I am a bystander, nothing else.

I guess I've learned that while Jesus suffered all the pains of the world, we have the atonement and I am not meant to suffer for others sins or mistakes. But I can learn to stay closer to the Lord and become more of who I need to become.  Instead of shutting down for another year, I need to grow and be the person I need to be.  I feel badly for the parties involved, I wish them the best, I pray for them, I hope at some point we can sit in the same room and smile at each other, but for now.  I am shifting priorities-to important ones that will help me reach my eternal goals.

I know blogs are supposed to be happy and cheery, but this is one I think I will need to read and look back on, to see where I was and see my progress along the way.  I want to show that everything doesn't have to be perfect and we can learn from our mistakes.  I want my children to know the trials I have been through.  I want to show that by surrounding yourself with people who uplift and make you happy that you can have a happier life.  I want a happier life, and I want to teach my children how to do that. 

A few things that I am going to gear up for making my New Years Resolutions.  

Attend the temple more frequently

Reading Scriptures more diligently and with purpose
Being more fervent in my prayers
Making my children, Husband and self my top priorities
Eating and exercising better
Better relationships with my siblings

Lesson learned, don't take on other's drama and sadness, be there for them, pray for them etc.  Know that the Lord is in their lives looking over them.  Surround with friends and loved ones that uplift etc.  Life is good, it's short, there are so many things to learn and experience.  Stop wasting life on drama, sadness etc.  Be happy, count blessings and be a blessing for others without becoming a crutch or punching bag.

I love my family! I'm grateful to be a mom and wife and friend.  I'm grateful for the atonement of Jesus Christ in my life. I a grateful for repentance and forgiveness.  I'm grateful for today and tomorrow and the days I have to become better.  I'm grateful to have the Holy Ghost as my guide and need to be more worthy of His comfort.

I have to say that I am much happier that I have been in this aspect of my life.  The last year was a long one emotionally, thankfully I have a great husband who has stuck by me during tears, sadness or any other emotion and has supported me.  I needed it.  He makes me better.  I need his patience and love in my life.  

And of course a song that has helped me in my life throughout, and I know some people don't like David Archuleta, but here is his version I found on youtube that I liked.

Be Still My Soul sang by David Archuleta

Sunday, September 30, 2012


 This year has been kind of a crazy year.  In March we found out Peter has Autism and that means that we are super blessed and do and view things so differently.  Let me start from the beginning.

Peter started out his life in the NICU and has had a few surgeries, sleep studies, oxygen tanks, trials etc.  He has always been so amazing and strong and even before he was born I received a priesthood blessing the night before he was born.  What I remember from the blessing was that I would be safe in my delivery and that I needed to prepare for a strong child that was going to be born into our family.  He would be amazing and have lots of purpose.  That he would be important and have a mission for this life.  I can't ever stop thinking about the feelings of greatness I felt about Peter.  I needed to be a good mom to help support this Child of our Heavenly Father that was going to be mine.

He was born a large baby with a large personality.  He is super sweet and kind and smiles and jokes. Peter is sneaky and loving.  He wants hugs and kisses, he wants the world to be happy.

Lucy walked late, so we figured Peter would follow after her example of walking at 15 months I think?  That came and went and he was still not walking, besides the feeding therapy that he was getting, he started getting Occupational Therapy to help teach him to crawl and move and do something other than just sit and watch.  At his 18 month appointment the doctor suggested we get him evaluated at the developmental dept to just make sure things were where they should be.

After a HORRIBLE evaluation (I have strong feelings about the doctors and how their practices weren't where they should be)  they suggested to me that he should be evaluated for Autism.  That was such a HUGE thing to hear, too much for me to hear after that horrible evaluation, I sat in my car and cried before I could drive home.  I called Evan, I cried some more, then wiped my tears, and drove home 40 minutes, crying all the way home.

It was a lot to take in, and I didn't understand what they were telling me and I didn't like how we were treated and thought they were incompetent and couldn't understand why they would suggest he was autistic.  From what I knew about autism didn't match Peter.

So because Peter was so young, the JFK Partners(behind Children's Hospital) was able to get him right in for another evaluation.  It was a night and day difference of an evaluation, I went in one day on my own to answer 2 hours worth of questions, Peter went in the 2nd time and it was a great eval.  Our third visit in is where Lucy, Peter, Evan and I went in and talked to Dr. Lindsey Washington.  She told us that he was Autistic.

I CRIED.  I mean, I really cried.  I cried so much that I couldn't talk.  I couldn't believe that the diagnosis was real.  I couldn't believe that Peter was autistic. I didn't know what that meant, what should I do, how was I going to tell people. How would I cope.  What did that mean for Peter. For his future. Would girls want to date and kiss him, would they want to hold his hand.  Would he get hired or into college.  Would people treat him differently or brush him to the side.  Would his symptoms get worse.  What was I going to do?

We left the office.  There was a staff meeting that had extra box lunches and they shared with us.  We went outside and there was an enormous Ball statue.  Peter loves balls-maybe obsesses on them(bubbles too), a symptom of autism-not just a toddler old boy thing.  I called my mom and cried while Lucy, Peter and Evan played around the ball.  I cried some more.  I hugged Peter lots.  We ate our sandwiches in the car and drove home.

What comes next, it almost seems like a blur.  We were sent tons of information and I didn't know how to make sense of any of it.  Since he was already getting some therapy, he started speech and social/developmental therapy too.  He loves his 3 therapists that come to our home each week.  I started telling people, but couldn't stop myself from crying each time.  I am better now.  I told someone last night and felt the emotion of crying, but nothing came out.

We started him in a 2 day preschool program that has encouraged him in ways I never knew could happen.  He is awesome.  He signs and says "thank you, more, all done, please, bye and hi".  He is so proud of himself when he does and it makes us all happy.  He dances, tries to sing in his own way, plays at the piano, loves, Mickey Mouse, Caillou, and most cartoons.  He needs lots of vestibular and proprioseptive input with his sensory diet to help him function throughout the day.  He wears a weighted vest that helps his body calm down. He loves to me scratched and massaged.  He is so cute when he says shoe.
Peter is one special kid.  He doesn't run and jump like other 2 year olds (he turned two in June-we took a trip to San Francisco).  He reads tons of books and likes to build things.  He can count to ten and gives the best hugs around!  He is full of emotion and has lots of compassion. He is smart and very logical about his actions. Peter is funny to watch when eating food that doesn't fit on his sensory palate, like rice or something not on his list of foods.  He carries his brown blanket with him everywhere and is starting to run faster than me.

We will retest Peter in a couple years to see where he is on the spectrum.  For now, we just live life one day, sometimes one hour at a time.  He loves and is blessed by his therapist and preschool teachers.  He plays so well with Lucy and TJ(the kid I babysit).

I joined a mom autism support group.  Sarah Easton taught me about the group.  I've been one time and loved it!  I cried half of the first time I went because I was so full of emotions.

I'm still learning what Peter needs, but for now, Evan and I can't get enough of him.  We love him and are so grateful he is in our family.  I'm sure I have tons more to add, that will come later-I've got to get better about blogging again for journaling sake.

Wednesday, July 04, 2012

Lucy and Peter Grew a Year Older!!!-and some catch up:)

So it's only been about 6-7 months since I last blogged, sadly I wished I would have kept up on it because SO much has happened.  to start with Lucy and Peter grew older.  Here are way too many pics showing their birthdays.

Lucy turned 3 so she stopped getting her speech and ot therapies in our house and she switched to PRE-SCHOOL!!! CRAZY! I am a mom of a preschooler.  I can't believe it!

She is so cute.  She LOVED preschool and talks about Miss Marlene and Miss Janet ALL OF THE TIME!  I can't wait for her to start up again in the Fall.

 Aunt Cindy gave her a Pink Tutu for Christmas and we ordered her a princess shirt since she became obsessed with Princesses.  Lucy asked for 3 balloons for her birthday and a princess hat.  So after her full day at preschool which we brought carrots and dip and petit fours for snack time we all drove to the dollar store and she chose her 3 balloons and a tiara. 

 She wanted to see the LDS Denver Temple, so we drove over and walked around the water fountain and went into the visitor's center-She loved seeing the Jesus Christ statue.  Then, off to dinner at Red Robin.  She and Peter ate mozzarella sticks and fries and some veggies and chicken from Evan's and my plate.  Lucy isn't huge into desserts, so after they sang happy birthday to her, Evan ate her dessert.  It was fun, low key and we just love her too much!

the next morning she woke up, wanted her same outfit, and wanted her new cinderella barbie that she got from us.

PETER PETER PETER..that's what we say a lot after the funny things that he does:)  he turned 2 right after our trip to San Francisco(i'll update that later)  He is so sweet and kind.  He loves kisses and hugs, he wants to make sure we are happy and also wants to be happy.  He is growing so tall and does so well with his 3 therapists that come to the house each week(I'll up date more on that later too).  He loves outside and loves to play in the van.  Peter has learned to put himself to sleep and loves Lucy more than words could describe.  They run and chase each other and hug and kiss each other all of the time.  Peter definitely has a personality and it is so cute.  I can't get enough of him. We love him so much!

he wants his learner's permit

best vanilla shake ever-he couldn't stand waiting for it to get made and given to us!

at the Carson Nature Center in Littleton-nect to Aspen Grove

enjoying summer

Birthday breakfast Pancakes and peaches-YUM!

With his sis and Berthoud cousins

He LOVES the new Piggy Bank-Lucy wanted his birthday gift

Those EYES!

We went up to Uncle Geoff's for a birthday lunch where we grilled pizza and veggies for a meal.  And had a yummy spaghetti side for the kids.

A car he got from Grandma Betty

They are best friends:)

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Lucy and Peter jan 2012

So it's about time I journal about Lucy and Peter. So much has been going on, trips, doctors, developments and therapies, so I'm going to try to sum it up.

Lucy will be 3 in 3 months. So crazy!
She is still getting free speech therapy and hopefully will qualify for free pre-school(her evaluation is mar 12). She is saying so much more than she ever has and interacts a lot more. I remember my mom telling me that when I was 2ish I was in the kitchen with my family and they were telling jokes, and she looked over at me and I smiled and giggled because I had understood the joke. Lucy is just like that. She gets humor, she tells jokes, plays pranks and tries to trick us all of the time. The looks she gives us are priceless.

Lucy also likes to terrorize her little brother Peter and TJ-the little boy we babysit. She has been a little angel in my life and I can't wait to see more of how she grows and develops. Dancing and singing take up about 90% of her day, she turns everything into a song. Even sitting on the potty or a mouth fool of food, whatever she is telling us ends up in an original song:)

Lucy can't get enough of exercise, outdoorsy everything and just wrestling on the carpet. We go swimming a lot, walks, rock climbing the park, sliding, biking, jumping, running, twirling, trampoline, etc. She asks to go swimming almost every day, and luckily we bought a pass to the coolest rec center pool ever where she can't get enough of the lazy river and it's strong current.

She absolutely loves princesses and wearing dresses everyday!

Lucy's favorite food's include guacamole, avocados, cheese, popcorn, gogurt, popcicles, pizza, chicken, spaghetti noodles, frozen yogurt, lasagna, scrambled and boiled eggs, quesadillas, fish sticks, chocolate pudding, cucumbers x 10, tomatoes, carrots, strawberries and Smoothies

She loves watching, Cinderella, Poppy Cat, Chloe's Closet, Mickey Mouse Club, Max and Ruby, Caillou, Finding Nemo and Charlie and Lola

Her new favorite thing to do is kneel down and pray(I didn't know if that would ever happened, but it just clicked one day) Peter likes to copy her. She wears the same dress for days at a time and loves to get "princess hair" ponytails and braids. Lucy is very helpful and throws away diapers and cleans up now just beautifully.

She is Potty Training, maybe she will have it down by the time her birthday comes. She loves to go outside and spray water everywhere, and I sure love sending her outside the back to play. Lucy always asks Peter if he wants to go outside and play with her. I'm excited for warmer weather to go back to the zoo, for now we have a pass to the Denver Children's Museum-COOL PLACE!
Some of her famous phrases are:
"Phew, that was close" "Mommy, I poopy" "Peter, want play outside" "Mommy, I all done, no tired" "I princess, Peter princess, mommy princess" "I beautiful" "come on mommy, HURRY!" "It's really really...(fill in the blank) "hmm, well....okay" "ok mommy" "whoa careful" "come on mommy, let's go!"-even if we aren't going anywhere and of course calling Evan by name:)
Peter is such a sweetie pie and so much more sensitive than Lucy ever was. That's okay, I hear it will make him a strong and kind man:)
Peter loves to cuddle. He carries his blanket with him like Linus and kind of makes a makes a cool noise with his mouth. He took a pacifier for only a month, so I think it's a similar comforting mechanism. He also puts his arms to his mouth to make the same sound. If you'r not watching he might come up and bite you, but really wants to chew on your clothes.
Peter has been doing free gross motor therapy which has taught him to crawl, walk, eat better and balance. They are graduating him from that therapy to speech therapy and a little more feeding therapy. He had slipped in the tub in October, November time, and has been tramatized since. But, after several times to the pool, he is better and loves it again.

He loves playing outside and trying to imitate Lucy in everything. He likes lots of praise and companionship. Trains, cars, dinosaurs, and Mickey Mouse are his favorite. He loves to try to eat by himself but after a few bites wants some help.

He gets jokes and funny situations, gets scared by scary and sad stuff-like the shark chase on Finding Nemo. He squeezes his eyes and scrunches up his face and blindely walks towards what he wants, sometimes peeking, and giggles about it. He hugs the best hugs and is just the most loving boy I know.

Peter has been cleared for everything with his head(from surgery) and lungs and everything! YAY

He loves to wrestle Lucy, sneak up behind her and flip her hair, tackle her and play "Daddy monster" with Lucy and Evan. Peter is adventurous and is learning his abilities and limits. One day he will be bigger than Lucy and pay her back for all the torment and teasing:) Good thing for now he is sweet and loves to hug and kiss. What a cutie!

They are the cutest ever!